I MISSED EATING AT CRYSTAL JADE!

Everyone was there!

I CANNOT BELIEVE I MISSED IT FOR PRACTICE.

so sad.

Why couldn't Dr. Loke have shifted training into the earlier afternoon instead of dragging it so late!!

so saded.

Why?

Everything just CLASHED together.

Maybe, just maybe,

some would not comprehend why missing eating at a place like that would constitute for any fuss,

but I guess I am one who likes eating.

I enjoy eating.

Eating is a great pleasure, if I must say.

How the way the food tastes like in your mouth.

The way its texture affects the whole presentation of the culinary delight.

The way its smell lingers even after it has been long gone.

Crystal Jade is a great place to eat and enjoy its every dish.

The way their dishes are cooked.

Woa.

Anyway, I went home,

with a pathetic bowl of braised beef noodle.

Only one word to describe my feeling.

"Pathetic."

If you want to go further into it,

it would be :"Dammit!"

But the feeling of unjust faded just as fast as it rose.

I stumbled upon an AMAZING discovery.

Someone. Someone joined the sport of badminton just to see a particular someone.

O.M.G!

She used him as a motivation to try getting into school team.

O.M.G!

Badminton's getting a lot more spiced up.

Labels: I'm finally moving on. Thanks. From the bottom of my heart.

It went relatively well, I must say.

W35E has made it to the next level.

Bringing with it, me and Da Jie along.

I thought that there weren't much stuffs in common for us to talk about,

but then again,

I guess my AWFUL singing saved me.

My awful singing got Rowena and co. to join me in the little sing-along sessions. :x

I have a feeling that we might be great friends after all!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celebrated Esther's birthday on this day.

It was a rather pleasant surprise that so many turned up.

Da Jie and I got a pathetic piece of Oreo Cheesecake for that lucky beautiful girl. (sorry the cake wasn't any bigger)

We wanted to get candles to suit the occasion,

but due to limited resources,

we were reduced to making do with what that Cafe offered.

-A straw in place of candles

-Ketchup and chili sauce for additional decor~ along the sides of the plate (courtesy of D.J. and me)

-Brown and white sugar to enhance the overall decoration (it failed evidently lols!)

It was a cute little cake, I must say.

It was innovative on D.J.'s part to substitute candles with a straw.

It was a cute mini party that we threw for Esther.

I'm so sorry I really couldn't accompany you.

I know how hard it must feel to be all alone on your special day.

The only reliance that you could depend on was US.

W35F-ians.

And there we were.

Hope it was memorable.

Don't cry.

I'm sorry I could not bring myself to skip training to accompany you.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY ESTHER!

&

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY ENEIDA!

Well,

I'm free now.

Mentally speaking.

Everything has come to an end.

I'm me again.

It's back to being my old self I guess.

No more reading between the lines, no more assumption, no more emo-ism.

It's just plain ole me.

TOMORROW is ESTHER's BIRTHDAY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!

muakies!

Waiting kills,

sometimes.

Trust me.

It dulls your senses.

The day after today,

is one of those other days.

Last session was torturous.

I was on the brink of crying.

Why is it that they are faster than the ever-so-slow me in getting the correct techniques?

It was so embarrassing when height became the issue at one point of a time.

Loud mouth coach is losing his patience I guess.

He subjected me to eternal practice with the net-ball post.

A thousand times a day.

Be it on court or at home.

It was UTTERLY shameful the way I looked like a pure retard,

swinging my racquet,

in an attempt to hit that string on the base of its net.

Seeing stars were really common. (literally, I mean)

Have to stop to rest from the constant swinging and looking up at the string.

Sharman, Rusty, Jing.. if you guys go for badminton tomorrow,

:x I'd really look like one heck of a spastic girl stroking under the towering net-ball post.

So tired and frustrated at not getting there. (Tsk!)

Really looking forward to the Mid-Autumn Festival Celebrations.

Hope training ends early

so I can go gaze at the sky, moon and reflect on all that has happened to me.

Give thanks to whatever invisible forces are hard at work,

making my very existence possible.

I'm not sure if I should thank them for making me undergo such pains to understand what life means to me.

The experiences that I was subjected to,

I cannot seem to find the answers to them.

I need guidance and the truth to shine upon me.

Take not what I treasure most-- my friends.

Take not the relationship that we had initially.

Take back the good ole times that we shared.

Take back the you I used to know.

Take me back to before, when all was perfect.

I want you back with me.

Back to before.

I pray that the forces above are just and fair in the handling of future events.

Labels: everything is pre-destined. We just have to accept it.

Ok.



I'm sorry.



I admit that I was mean to some in my previous post.



I'm sorry. I take it back.



It is inevitable that not everyone can make it.




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Went to Toast Box,



Ate their Nasi Lemak + 2 Fish Cakes + 1 Steam Yam Cake --> That was my brunch



Still owe Sharman $2.80. :x (must remember to return him)



Woa.



I've got to tell you this.



Toast Box's Nasi Lemak is good.



Their chilli is awesome.



It has a different taste to it.



It isn't as oily as some would imagine it to be.



Instead, there is something different about it.



The chilli here, becomes the main attraction of the dish.



The rice is not bad either.



Its fragrance, "mm". "Sedap nia!"



But I guess I wasn't into the little fried fish that came along with it,



because I wasn't a fan of peeling and getting rid of tiny little bones that irritates my throat.



The Steam Yam Cake there reminded me of my maternal grandmther.



The ones that she cooked were really good.



She used to cook a whole lot of Hainanese Steamed Yam Cake for us all to eat.



Gosh, it was good.



Sharman and Rusty were horsing around, as usual.



Denise and Esther ate some Peanut Butter Toast Set,



Da Jie wasn't hungry.



The 2 part-time gays :x got themselves Nasi Lemak and Iced Lemon Tea to quench their thirst for "hot Babes on the beach of Siloso".



After brunch, we got lost in the all massive Vivo-city.



You should have seen it,



it was so funny the way we were all disorientated, not sure what was next on our itinery.



We took the elevator and the Caucasions were like laughing at our "stupidity" as we all stood inside. (lols!)



Sharman and Rusty had some small talks with them and we laughed at the conversation that was going on between them.



~Cam-whored even while we were trapped amidst the crisis of disorientation.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Esther brought--> Sunglasses to enhance glamour-ity and a cap.



Da Jie brought--> Mat to dump all our stuffs on it/ lie and laze the afternoon away, cap & Sunblock lotion



Sharman brought--> A branded Frisbee (Adidas)



I brought--> Sun-tanning Oil, cap and a Beach Volleyball :x



All of us bought--> 9 packs of tidbits, 1 gi-normous bottle of Peach Tea, 1 humongous mineral bottle, 1 pack of Katjes (apple flavoured)



Initial plan was to lay out the towel and mat and embark on sun-tanning sessions.



Denise and I were happily settled down in one corner, listening to songs on her i-pod.



Then,



Another plan was proposed-- to play volleyball on the sandy beach.



So we got up and started playing, however, it wasn't for long...



because..



the sand was so FREAKING hot!



it burnt the soles of our feet and poor Sharman broke his slippers so he had nothing to protect him from the devious heat radiating from the sand below.



So Plan B was devised.



Into the waters of Siloso we went.



Woa,



so cool and refreshing!!



The cool waters beneath our feet offset the harsh fiery of the dry sands onshore.



The cool waters rejuvenated our skins.



The salty water were the only nemesis against us in the waters.



Occasionally, it stung our eyes so much so that we had to retreat back on shore to give them a rest.



Dxxxxx and Exxxxx had a little phobia of balls,



so the whole session was spiced up a little when they squirmed and squealed when the volleyball flies in their direction.



Sun-tanning session was supposed to be all under control.



30 minutes to "bake"/ "marinate" the front.



xx minutes to rest.



30 minutes to "bake"/ "marinate" the back.



But for most, I can safely say that it was a tan-gone-wrong.



Yup.



That is the understatement for the month.



It is a tan gone wrong.



so please, if anyone thinks that I've got a little darker, please inform me that I have a least turned a little darker.



anyway,



now, I'm going around like a burnt lobster,



with my back in pain.



OUCh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Felt a little guilty,

for skipping badminton practice.

Told Xiu Ling that I wouldn't be going,

and it turned out that she wasn't too happy about it.

She lectured me a little and made me feel bad about it all.

Where was the girl who said that she wanted to strive hard?

I secretly comforted myself that it was a Saturday training,

unlike a tuesday/ thursday one where skipping seemed much more sinful. :x

:c

Tuesday, it is back to practicing a thousand stroking..

with the loud-mouth coach scrutininzing my every move.

:c

Labels: waiting is torturing. stop being so distant.

There's a weird guy in class.

Bizarre character.

Strange speaking manner.

But on the other hand,

he really is deep.

He knows a lot. He possesses great general knowledge.

He strays off the topic sometimes, and is fast becoming one of the Mr-UNpopular of class w35e.

He creeps me out. A little. (even Da Jie agrees)

HOWEVER,

the main point of today's post is not all about that freakish character,

BUT the notorious guy whom almost every w35f-ians hate.

You guys should know who I am referring to without any doubt.

I actually found out by chance that his classmates TOO hate him.

I mean no surprise, but... :x

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know?

It really is hard to get together.

I really want to go out for a steamboat.

But I have lost ALL hopes in it.

Now, poor Sharman wants to hang out by the beach of Siloso and...

as you can guess again,

the response is hardly humane.

Is it really THAT hard to have a get-together session?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow would definitely be the day to call me out and tell me the much anticipated results, if you know what I mean?

I can go out under the pretext that I'm training,

but I am in fact...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope all goes well tomorrow!

Don't take it so hard Sharman!

Jacob gave me this site..

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr


I feel it really applies to what I'm going through now.

I can relate and connect to it.

Girl, be strong!

Labels: can love remain unchanged?

Half a night has gone.

Still.

Nothing.

I miss everyone.

This day has got to be the most delirious one that I have had for so long.

It has been 5 weeks since I have gotten out of my emo-ism mood.

That "On-Off" switch that I was subjected to,

Gosh.

Everything is so blurry right now.

It is up to me now.

Me alone.

To right the wrongs of my life.

So far,

if you asked me,

I'd tell you that I'm definitely on my way.

I have tackled one the day before.

And I will wait.

Even if the consequence is not what I expect,

the only motivation that I can get out of it is the strength and determination to further my studies.

I admire your ability to prioritise what lies ahead of you.

I know that we have the same goals.

And that you are way ahead of me.

Straight A's?

Oh My God.

How am I to achieve it?

It's really getting harder.

But I'll try.

Hope we end up in the same institution in the future. (cross my fingers!)

Studying in the same lecture hall.

Pass each other in the hallways.

I must strive hard.

As hard as you are trying right now.

Oh my gosh!

I so, did not say those words.

I simply cannot believe I possessed such courage to sprout those rubbish.

Girl, I love you!

facing up to your courage; your fears.

Girl, it was stupid and foolish on your part.

Girl.

You did the right thing.

Your stupidity finally got you somewhere.

My impulse last night,

salvaged my situation. For now.

It was freaking awkward initially when I broached the subject.

It was so unexpected.

It came as a shock.

But then again,

it was inevitable that things took a turn.

For the better or worse, it is now all up to God, fate and you to decide for me.

The Results.

The much anticipated "Results".

I'll be waiting.

For better or worse,

you know that I still am here.

I thank you for not shutting me out completely when shock came over you.

You were speechless, nevertheless.

I understand.

Time.

It is all you need to tell me -- "The Results".

Snap the thread.

Drop me into the icy lake below.

You know that I will survive.

Hypothermia will overcome me,

but you know that I'll fight back and emerge stronger.

Stronger than before.

If you want to snap the thread, do it nice and clean.

Don't hesitate,

because I know where your priorities lie.

I comprehend your every actions.

I respect your decisions.

Thanks for the memories.

We'll grow together, and discover what it really means to us,

even if it means that we have to go through the hard way, separated.

I know it is hard on you.

I'm sorry that I had to tell you all these crap in that moment when you were totally unprepared.

Thanks. Forgive me.

I'm waiting.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry Dr. Loke.

I lied to you about being unwell.

Part of the reason was true,

I really was suffering from a bug.

But for most of it,

it wasn't because of the excuse that I made up.

My emotions clouded my views.

My feelings affected my performance,

getting in the way of trainings and all.

I need to stop all these lame excuses and buck up.

go, GIRL!

Labels: I'm happy. For now. I've said all that there was to be said. I'm happier now. For now.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Recently,

eating makes me puke.

No appetite.

Occasionally,

It gives me the impulse,

the urge to reject the food.

Not sure what has come over me,

but eating doesn't appeal to me no more.

I'm definitely not on a diet scam.

I'm in the uber-super-pre-mature state of anorexia.

Gosh,

please let this all wear away.

I think I'm getting ill.

Serious. I guess I'm getting sick soon.

My mind isn't treating my soul too well.

My soul isn't letting my heart off either.

Either way,

falling sick might mean a faster recovery for me.

Get all the sick emotional bugs off me.

Remove all the stupid nauseous feeling and let me regain my joy of eating non-stop.

It's all coming back to me.

What goes around comes around.

I'm affected badly.

I want to eat.

Guilt-free.

The only salvage I can seek refuge in,

is in badminton.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a more random note,

we went to Mac,

attempted buying Iced Milo with my EZ Link card,

and found..

"INSUFFICIENT CASH!"

so I proceeded to take out $5 cash to pay for it, (not without softly cursing "crap" under my breath)

"I'll pay for you"

I looked up and gazed at the guy serving me,"U sure?"

Hardly believing what I was hearing.

He repeated, yet again, in Chinese.

I was like," Ok! Cool!"

In the back of my head, I couldn't help wondering if he was merely being the Mr-mice-guy that he was,

or was he hitting on me? :x

Hmm..

on second thought,

the first option seemed more likelier than the second. (look at my features man!)


Haha,

I should try out the "my-ez-link-has-insufficient-fund" more often..

this way,

I'd get freebies! :x

Labels: finally.

Here's a little teeny weeny shout out to Dr. Loke: "Happy Coaches' Day!"

I met Stanford on the L.R.T this afternoon, and guess what he told me?

That loud-mouth coach actually said that I was "cute".

Oh My God!

Please repeat it again.

C.U.T.E??

ARGH!!

Spare Me!!

Oh my god! *Faints!
(Someone, please come forth and hold me before I perform another fainting act)

I'm definitely in a precarious position. (*no doubt about that :x Lols! )

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

School's starting yet again,

& I've been through all these.

I'm scared.

I'm afraid of making new friends.

I'm shudder to think that new unfamiliar entities will greet my very life.

A new class- w35e,

A new unwritten beginning for us all to conquer.

A new chapter into my life.

What I dread, is the fading of our ties, our bonds.

Fading into the darkness of eternity,

never to be found again.

I want us all to still be together. As one. As w35f-ians.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is plaguing me yet again.

Please.

Stop, for god's sake.

Every single thing, never ceases reminding me of the past.

Every single thought, lingers back to it.

Stop.

Just. Stop.

Go back in time and do me a favor.

Erase those memories.

Being naive never brought me far,

instead,

it killed me.

I hate hanging there on thin thread, not knowing when it'd just snap on me.

Either snap the thread for me,

or,

I do myself the honor of it,

or,

save me.

Tell me what is going on around here and it'd suffice.

Really.

I'm done having to struggle like a deranged soul.

If you have made a decision,

care if you share it with me,

and explain WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Stop evading it all,

and attempting to drop little little hints all over the place, then expect me to clean it up after you?

Stop your crap.

I cannot move on.

I've just turned seventeen.

& still, you don't know.




*P.s.
I'm trying my best to settle this crap, so guys, don't worry about me ok?
Denise.. it's so hard.

Not sure how and why is it that whenever I look forward to a particular thing,

it never fails to disappoint me.

Is it really that difficult to just have a simple meal with all my close friends?

Why is it that things just happen to pop out of absolutely nowhere?

Time and again,

I've waited.

I've tried telling myself: "No, it's not gona happen again"

yet.. the inevitable has a way of working its way around things.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever thought of stuffs?

Pondering and pondering,

until suddenly it all gets out of control

and you start thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking.

It gets so uncontrollable that everything starts building up on your mind.

Until your brain just screams "OVERLOAD!"

but you still are unable to stop those intense brain activity firing its rounds in the mental cavity.

You start to feel throbbing headaches;

intense pain invading your mind.

It is so painful and intense that you feel your head's going to blow off anytime.

Your head's bursting.

You try in vain,

to stop yourself from thinking but memories just keep flooding back.

You reach out for a PANADOL,

but you refrain from taking it.

You wonder,

if it really is a brain malfunction that you are taking the tablet for,

or is it really a substitute,

to cure your heart's dilemma.








It is so painful,

to go through all these.

I know.

Because I went through it all.

Labels: shut up about the past.

In badminton,

there is a famous "pop-star".

A "revered" elder, whom everyone looks up to.

Literally, LOOKS UP to,

whenever he starts screaming and shouting across the courts to that poor victim

who made a mistake or is not performing up to his expectations.

I admit.

I don't look.

I stare.

I stare at him whenever he does that.

I'm impressed the way he can keep this up.

Shouting EVERY single lesson at those training under him, (the boys' team)

not even losing an ounce of his stamina.

His mouth,

alone,

is a powerhouse enough to power __________ (fill in the blank with whatever you deem fit)

Even though he is a coach,

most of the time,

all we see,

is not his demonstrations on the right ways of playing the game of badminton,

but the wide array of oral display that we are exposed to.



But..

Yes.

There is always a "BUT".



I guess that he might not be that bad after all.

He might not be as bad as I made him out to be.

I might have jumped to conclusions too quickly to spare him from all those criticisms.



Seeing the way I handled my strokes,

that coach sat from afar and looked at the way I played.

Then he marched over to my court, bringing with him--

THE SQUASH RACQUET!!

(it is heavy, by the way, especially if it were to be held by a petite girl like me with one, single hand)



He explained to me in a surprisingly nice tone on how to execute the stroke right,

coupled with demonstrations.

(DEMONSTRATIONS!)

He demonstrated a couple of times

and tried his best to compare and make me understand the rationale of doing it the way he did as opposed to mine.

He told me about the postures and stance that players take on court,

and how the way my stroking matters and affects the stance that I take.

He was being nice about it all and he wasn't screaming his head off at my mistakes.

(I really appreciated that, especially when the almost half the population of the boys' team were resting in the corner, looking in the direction of my court)

It was a little embarrassing when the only activity in the whole badminton hall,

was coming from my court.

My court alone.

Alone.

With Dr. Loke on the other side of the court,

facing me and that coach.

Yea.

It was embarrassing,

but I tried to follow and execute the same stance that he showed.

That coach,

don't normally bother about anything else other than his boys. (and Valerie too, I forgot to add)

The guys from the school team and the star players.

I'm not sure why,

but apart from those guys,

yea,

I don't really see much contact.

But lately,

on a few occasions,

yea,

he's started talking to me.

Not as in those super friendly on social terms kind of talk that you were expecting,

but more of making eye-contact with me and "go pick the shuttles" kind :x



Oh,

I forgot to add too,

that before this incident there was also another whereby he too, tried to correct and help me and Akina understand better how to give a good start in the game.

He was nice too,

not scolding and reprimanding us in his loud voice,

demonstrating how best to do it and waiting for us patiently to try them out.



Not sure why he has started noticing me.

Not sure if it is a good or bad sign.

1) Either I'm so weak, he couldn't stand it, he has to come right out of his circle and help me get over them.

2) He wants to make more friends which I highly doubt so.

3) He is only trying to correct what he feels is wrong. (My bad, I'll try harder!)

4) He might be Jacob(II) in disguise, trying to find ways and means to poke fun of my height in future? (might be possible)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The weighing scale is every girl's horror.

In my perception.

However,

I beg to differ.

The height indicator,

should be of every girl's nightmare. :x

The weighing scale declared that I lost 2kg (43kg-41kg).

I thought that I should have been fatter and heavier,

after all those junk food that I crammed into my mouth,

but yea,

the judge has spoken.

Either I have been working out a lot

or I've been too stressed out.

THE HEIGHT INDICATOR.

Something that I dread,

I mean no surprise, since all results that come out of it, are nowhere near MY satisfaction.

So disappointed.

Measured my height last night in gym.

It's STILL 147cm.

So disappointed.

So saded.

I guess, that's it.

No more growth hormones in me. :c

Oh, well.

*p.s. I sat in my dream car last night. Hyundai Tucson. Woa.

Be FOREWARNED, this is a really long post.
Take my word for it.
It might just bore you to death.
:x


8 September,

yep.

It's gone, just like that.

The clock struck twelve and signified yet another year into my life.

17 years.

What have I done?


My primary school life was a breeze,

terrorized by strict subject heads who threatened to "skin you alive" whenever you did your multiplications wrong or forgot to hand up written assignments.

Writing lines of reflections weren't unheard of.

Being punished to write 100 lines weren't that bad,
as compared to 500..
( :x naughty class clowns wrote a lot, but the girls were given leeway.)

Class clowns spent their lesson time,

rotting their hands away,

sticking their poor butts on the cold tiled floor,

hastily writing those hateful lines out,

occasionally glaring and making faces at the teacher at times when they knew they weren't looking.



My latter part of education was a nightmare.

Pure nightmare,

if I must say.

I was plagued by my nemesis.

For 5 years.

F.I.V.E.

Can you believe it?

5 long and tiring years trying to avoid the inevitable.

She was a real jerk.

She resorted to planting personal attacks on me in her blog.

She was my CLASSmate from primary 6- secondary 4.

How better could my life get?

Anyway, she got a taste of her own medicine when I won her in the committee elections. :x

She hated me for whatever reasons she deemed fit.

Both she and I were entangled in internal conflicts.

I merely struggled through all my 4 years,

I don't want to get involved in another.

She was a rather influential figure and when she hated me,

she made it known to everyone.

and everyone who was with her,

knowing her hatred for me,

had to steer away from me in order to gain popularity with her domineering traits that she never fails to exhibit.

That's ostracise.

Secondary school wasn't exactly the best place I want to relive,

apart from my choir sessions.

Choir was the best choice I made.

Many feels that simply being a part of choir is LAME.

I couldn't agree more.

Choir is UN-glam.

Everyone thinks that choir should cease to exist.

But I'm so simply in love with choral singing and everything that makes choir the way it is,

so much so that I'm willing to compromise on it being people's most poorly-opinionated C.C.A.

I love my Alto members,

I love my seniors;

I love the Choir Committee;

I love my conductors.

It just felt so great being in choir.

Free from hatred.

Just music, my friends and I.



During the long and boring vacations,

I took up a waitressing job at O.P.H.

It was the point of my life,

when I regained my self-confidence.

That,

was the turning point.

Working with Caucasians, made me step out of my shell.

I've learnt a lot.

Communication was a key factor that made the hotel what is was.

Secretly, working at the lounge,

iginited a little spark in me.

I played around with the notion of becoming a professional bartender.

It was so cool: the art of alcoholic concoction. :x

There was a colleague,

who pulled me right out of my low self-esteem state.

I had him to thank for.

If not for him, I would still be stuck in my own world of self-delusion.

When my tertiary education was in full swing,

I met great people.

Esther has got a great boyfriend- Ivan. (*congratz!)

I found a new goal in my life.

I found that life had a new added meaning to it.

I felt much happier in my new educational institution.

I had new friends.

In the course of it all,

I've learnt that

being too persistent in some matters,

is not going to make it all worth my efforts and intentions.

It is only going to make it worse.

Sometimes, trying too hard instead,

drives not success,

but failure.

There are friends who make it an effort to care and go the extra mile for the sake of friendships.

There are some who simply could not care less.

It's great and heart-warming to know that my besties are always there for me. :]

I hope that I can find my way to the answers that I've been looking for all along.

I'm really sorry to those whom I have made worry in my course of doing so.

Fret not,

'cos in my hurting you, it goes a long way in hurting me too.

I'm happy now.

Really.

So don't worry.

What I'm afraid now is only that our relationships will drift apart.

I want my friendships to last.



Side tracking a little,

I've got a lil' brother.

Not as in a new-born brother,

but an acknowledged one at

00:35am, 9 september 2007.

He's Aloysius.

My course-mate from Mindchamps.

It's kind of weird,

you know,

seeing the height difference?

Aloysius, looking down at me, and calling me :"Jie" :x

It's comforting, however,

to hear the word sis.

I guess I'm still too used to people calling me "mei" rather than "jie" (due to my petite build) =x

I more or less found out who my doubles partner was.

Akina.

Ah Loke taught us tactical skills.

and I found out that Steven got ousted out of the school team.

Officially.

~too conked out to write more.

:x

Labels: to hold on is STILL to let go? what rubbish are they sprouting?

As if 1 shock in one day,


couldn't suffice me any further,


I received 2.


Both shocks yesterday..


One made me lost and on the verge of crying.


And when I meant on the verge of crying,


in that situation,


by definition, it meant, 10% of my tears were struggling not to roll onto my cheeks.


It was so embarrassing!


Don't want to talk about that matter no more. :x





The subsequent shock was out of the blue.


Really.


I knew that POL-ITE was coming soon and the guys' team were more or less decided upon,


leaving the girls' team still hanging on the thread.


Off the hook,


it's easy to tell who's definitely making it to the team:


1) Valerie (A Singapore Sports School team player, trained all along with the guys) (Singles)


2) Stephanie


3) Serene (Girls' Captain)


4) Xiu Ling (Singles)


5) Akina


6) Wen Hui (Singles)


Yep.


More or less,


those ARE the girls who made the mark.


I'm not even a wee bit close to the mark,


not even ready,


to DESERVE that republic cardigan that everyone covets.


I've not even worked THAT hard to enter competitive mode.


In terms of smashing?


No way am I near the benchmark.


and another fatal weakness that plagues me?


It's my fear of smashes.


Ridiculous, ain't it?


If I can't even block a smash,


where then, does it place me in the competition?


I'll just be making a fool out of myself;


embarrassing my double partner;


letting Team Republic down;


making Dr. Loke disappointed in me.

I'm definitely not.


NOT ready for the POL-ITE games.

On the other hand,


it was obvious that they needed players.


Not even the position of the main players were filled,


let alone the reserves.


That was why Dr. Loke had to ask the "UN-creme-of-the-crop" me to tryout for doubles with another partner,


whom at this point of a time,


I'm still not sure who. :x

and if those weren't enough,

try guessing when's the POL-ITE games..

It's next MONTH!!

I definitely am not ready for POL-ITE.

Nor am I worthy of the Team Republic jacket yet.

I want to EARN my keep.

I want my efforts to make it worth it all.

That my entry into the school team is not accidental, with no one else to choose from.

I know that if I were to lose my doubles,

it would be difficult to let it live past me.

It would form a stigma in me.

H A I S !

But I guess coach's pinning every last hope and miracle on just about anyone and everyone he can get to fill the positions up.

I'm not even so sure that he actually had the least amount of confidence in me. :x

If I had to train for POL-ITE,

I guess now's the time.

I'm going to be harder on myself.

It's impossible to train and be a competition-compatible me within 1 month.

hmm,

might add winning doubles on my wish list for now :x

Go!!

Procrastinate no more!! :x



lols!

So EMBARRASSING!!

After yesterday's training,

I couldn't even make it past the agora without myself cramping again..

Luckily I was alone :x

and there were rows of chairs for me to sit down and rest before all that cramp goes away.

But, weird!

This time round the site of cramp ocurred in the tendon where the arch of your feet is..

couldn't walk properly.. :x

Just when I thought the cramp was over,

I wore my socks and slipped my shoes on, stood up,

and oh,

cramp,

again.

OUCH!

(TOOT!)

It went on for quite some time..

I kept thinking hurry up and go away!!

I sat down there like KUKU,

pretending I was listening to music, sms-ing and waiting for a non-existent someone when people walked past.

lols.

I must have looked spastic then. :x

haha.

Labels: to hold on is to let go?

well, here's a quick shout-out to my friends having their special days in this month!

jerry- (3rd september!) sorry! It's a lil' late, but anyways, happy birthday! May god bless you!

Leslie- (4th september!) HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, my piggy cousin! Thanks for everything u've brought and shared with me! Wish you guys all the best always! Stay "gymed" and love her always!! I want to see her married over!! *sniggers.. as my COUSIN-in-LAW! Love ya!

Alex!!- (14th september!) Mr. choir vice-president, Mr. nice guy, mr. Bass. That's what you've been known for over the last few years. hehe. happy birthday, boy!! You are one special guy whom choir remembers forever as the FIRST guy to make it to the vice-presidency role in Bukit Panjang's history. Jiayous in everything you do! Go!! ALEX!




Today's a super laid-back day.
Back to IT-HELLdesk,
spending countless hours wasted,
rotting away in nothingness.
Might drop by Piang's house for tile-washing sessions before heading back to school to
get my lappy back
and back to badminton trainings.
I can't believe that I've procrastinated this long!
Missing 4 consecutive trainings in a row.
Not sure what te coach has to say for me, though :x
(you lazy bum! get your a** back here on court! Do 10 sets of footwork before going to gym! Drop 50 push ups and do the stretchy rubbery things. 2 sets each. -_-'' lols. nah, coach's not THAT bad. Is he?) :x

Boring!
Not much people's going for training, I guess.
:c
The usual fun people aren't there.. (Music of Akon's: mr. Lonely plays on the background)
But what's there is one who bugs the hell out of me and tries to strike conversations with me when I'm definitely not in the mood to.
I'm giving him the cold shoulders,
but either he is too persistent in trying to get me to talk,
OR,
he is a body-language-idiot who is absolutely NOT socially inclined.
gosh,
what could be worse?
*hope Chun Xuan and Marcus will be there!!
*prays fervently :x

In the game of Tag,

the notorious opera singer has been tagged by Jing.

Check them out..



List out the top 5 birthday presents you wish for:
1) That funky watch at Wisma Atria!

2) My long-awaited dream of singing to come true :x (hah, fat hope!)

3) A harmonious family and home that I can finally return to without carrying ammos with me.

4) Be blessed by my boyfriend. (If I can find one good one, that is! Lols! But looking at my UN-glam ways and appearance.. NAH!)

5) Never drift apart from my O.P.H colleagues, best friends, primary school friends and W35F.





Answer the following questions:

1. The person who tagged you is?

-Jing aka. Bing Yang's Bao Bei.

2. Your relationship with him/her is: W35F-ians.

Your 5 impressions of him/her:

-Great guy who cares a lot about his friends

-Just keeps listening and listening to other people's troubles and keeps them to himself, thinking and thinking about it all and trying to the best of his abilities to help his friends tide over each crisis. But know your limit ok? 'cause it's gona be taxing on you and one day your brain might just scream "OVERLOAD" but I guess being you, you might just ignore it, 'cos friends come first.

-Admirable character

-Quiet on the surface, but if you get to know him better, yep, he's not exactly the "geek" that I stereotyped him to be on the VERY first day of school. (woops! paiseh! :x)



4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you? ...

5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you? "I'll always be there for you if you need me" ? -- He's everyone's confidant. :x

6. if he/she becomes your lover, you will?
-Only time, feelings and fate will tell. I might. =X
-Who knows?
-By a twist of fate, you discover that your lover is your ex-primary school mate
-By a twist of fate, you realise that your lover used to be your kindergarten-mate
-By a twist of fate, Jacob might end up with Li Shan,
-Know what I mean?

7. if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?
-Hm, asking the other party to change for me, might be unfair to him.

8. if he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
-I'll just accept it after I've tried my best to patch up, but cross my fingers! let's not be nemesis!

9. if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
-I'm the cause of it (indecisiveness).

10. the thing that you desire most for him/her now is?
-Stay happy.

11. your overall impression of him/her is?
-super IT-savvy, nice guy, deep

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
-Dreadful sounding MP3 player (must send for immediate repair -_-'')
-Wanders off in her own world sometimes, thinking and thinking about some stuffs that are pointless to some.
-Procrastinator? (Why didn't you do this ar!! 3 days ago you said:"Later, later!", now I ask you to do it, you retort:"Next year, next year!") :x

13. The character you love of yourself is?
-The cheery me when I'm not plagued by mind-boggling issues

14. On the contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
-Getting bogged down that easily by the slightest problems

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?

-Someone strong, someone independent --Oprah Winfrey.

16. To the people who care and like you, say something to them.

-Thanks for not making me feel isolated from this world.

-Thanks for befriending me.

-Thanks for the constant care and concern that you guys have showered upon me.
-I love you guys! (sounds cliche, but yep! Love ya!)

17. Pass this quiz to 10 person that you wish to know how they feel about you. And continue doing the second part of the quiz.

1.) Esther Lin Si Yu! (My bestie!) aka Qing Ai De!

2.) Denise

3) Sharman

4) Weiling

5) Esther W35F (erh, can repeat or not? They never state that I couldn't) :x

6) Ivan yak

7) Piang

8) John

9) Pei Ling

10) Jing (erh, can repeat or not? They never state that I couldn't. sorry! I don't have that many people's blog to fulfill 10, I only have so few.. ) :c



1.Who is no.6 having relationship with? My beloved Esther! Treat her well! If not..

2.Is no.9 a male or female? Female!!

3.If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? It would be a blessing to man-kind :x

4.How bout no.8 and 5? Depends, If you see it my way, the union of the Ice God and the Ice Princess, what best fits it all? :x

5.What is no.2 studying about? some cool stuffs that I'd never get into :c

6.When was the last time you had a chat with no.3? last mahjong session?

7.What kind of music band does no.8 like? Not sure.. (makes a wild guess) the screamo kind?

8.Does no.1 has any siblings ? yep! one nice big bro and a cute, handsome lil' bro who might marry my sis one day and we can become SISTER-IN-LAWS!!

9.Will you woo no.3 ? Nope, sorry darling! I'm reserved for Mr. Lin.

10.How about no.7 ? next question please! :x jkjk

11.Is no.4 single ? Nope. Definitely! It's hero right? The guy you told me about? I SAW him with you last week! the tall handsome guy? Is that him!? Yep! She's NOT single, I tell you!

12.What is the surname of no.5? Phang

13.What is the nickname of no.10? Bao Bei!

14.What is the hobby of no.4? hmm, not sure but trying to surf the net for a better tomorrow with Hero snuggling close beside her? BINGO! lols!

15.Do no.5 and 9 get along well? yep!

16.Where is no.2 studying at? R.P.

17.Talk something casually about no.1? She's my BESTIE! and she will always be, no matter how cliche it sounds! Together with HUIPING TOO!! Esther's cool, has a great dress sense, funky and lovable.

18.Have you tried developing feelings for no.8? NO.8? Freaking No.8? JOHN?! NO! That would be digging my own grave!

19.Where does no.9 live at? Lake Holmz! my dream home! (droolz!)

20.What color does no.4 like? Hmm, not so sure about that..

21)Are no.5 and 1 best friends? Yep! In chemistry lessons when polymers get together! or is it some thing else I forgot. Lols! nah, I doubt they know each other. One is my Secondary school bestie, while the other is a great girl I've known over the course of 5 months.

22.Does no.7 likes no.2? that'd be Mr. Wong's duty to inform both Miss Lai (s)

23.How do you get to know no.2? W35f-ians and our boy-troubles (lols!)

24.Does no.1 have any pets? nope..

25.Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world? hmm, knowing him, he'd be expecting an answer like "HELL, YEAH!")